I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
