Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
