Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
