you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
