i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish I only lived at night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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