How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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