I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
