Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
