dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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