Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
