that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
