you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
