it's like iHOP with fire
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
