so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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