i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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