Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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