1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
