she was so not down for the gang bang
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
