He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You are a genius and a whore.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
