After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
