The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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