four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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