i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We left an ass print on the piano.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We left the knife in your bed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
