She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Less talking, more tequila
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
