Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
