currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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