this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
