I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
