You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I believe in your delicious
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