i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
