mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
