i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
