Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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