I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
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I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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