guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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