I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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