What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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