happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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