mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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