At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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