My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
