i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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