he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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