i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize