yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
