Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I look better un-naked...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
