oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My life is pants optional.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
