THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
