CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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