so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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