things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
