I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
