Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The adults are the big ones right?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
