Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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