Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize