At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
