I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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