i was born a porn star she said
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
