so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
