It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
