I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
