Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
