i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
