don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
