My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Girls should come with a carfax report
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dick very happy bro
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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