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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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