Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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