even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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