Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm both gender and math confused
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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